This is why polyamorists often have a dedicated “primary” who serves that role, while their other lovers serve as adventure, romance, and variety.That doesn’t mean that monogamists shouldn’t stay on their toes in a relationship and try, whenever possible, to spark things up. They are comfortable doing so because they are rooted in where the relationship is and have the emotional depth to roll with the tide, to endure the plateaus, and to always seek the best in the other person.It started after being burned out on a decade of serial monogamy.Being poly taught me that all those years, I was essentially monogamous for the wrong reasons.The following advice is aimed at adults who have been dating for a good decade already.In my opinion, you should do whatever you want with dating in your twenties, within the bounds of treating people with feelings like you would want yourself to be treated, of course.
Yet for some crazy reason, it’s still seen as more moral to be a guy who has a new girlfriend every few years, than to be the open, honest, Ethical Slut. If you are thirty or over and always looking for who will satisfy every need while making you feel like you are in love, you need to stop being in relationships. Monogamists have the EQ to know that the “spark” is replaced by other things that are more valuable to them; a sense of family with the other person, a deep sense of belonging, a partner who is there for you when you get sick.The proverb is never literally true, but is whimsically true when you’re dating in high school and becomes less true the older you get and the more you should expect of yourself and others.When you are young, too much about your core self is malleable, and that’s how it should be.I knew I was ready to give it up when I found someone who felt like three or four men put together. I’m writing this today because over the past few months several of my friends have gone through painful breakups.They had been together anywhere between six months and five years, yet all of them had lovers who said to them some dreaded version of “I love you, but I am not with you anymore”, “there’s no spark anymore”, etc.Other than those occasional high school sweethearts who got lucky and have been together ever since, dating in your 20s should be viewed as an experiment to find out what you want out of a partner, and what you are prepared to offer yourself.However, at a certain point you need to get your romantic shit together.Another new app, Rendezwho, tries to create long-lasting friendships by matching two random users for life.There is an even an app called Meet My Dog for pet owners and their pooches who are looking for some companionship.In a sense, every romantic relationship you will ever have goes through a “high school” stage in the beginning, during which you’re just getting to know each other and it’s OK to find some unforgivable deal-breaker, and break up with caring, but without much else owed to the other person. The longer things go on, the more you will “owe” the other person.If you’ve just ghosted someone you’ve been seeing regularly for six months, unless you did it because you fear for your personal safety or something, you’re not a kind person.