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Dating a commitment phobe

That way they can do the nitpick, doom, discard cycle because they can easily justify the breakup because of the other person’s “issue.” It’s all a cover for the fact that if they picked someone less flawed, they would have to admit that their string of failed relationships was actually their own fault.It also lets them stall by offering a carrot— commitment— IF the other person promises to change.If you make an effort to create a plan with them but they “just want to be spontaneous,” consider whether there are other deeper factors at work.To tease out the difference between real spontaneity and commitment phobic spontaneity, try mentioning gently that you need to pin down at least the time and date of your hangout so that you can plan for other things.

It very well could be your own insecurities, or it could be that you’re super on edge because of the way the other person pulls the hot and cold routine.It’s also a post-it note for later when they break up with you— then can say, “well I told you this would never work out.” It’s a dirty trick, and meant to keep you from getting too comfortable.Commitment-phobic daters often pick out people who are more than a little busy with their own problems.If someone is always looking for “that one thing” that is wrong with everything, they’re more likely to give up on your bond before giving you a solid answer about the future. Be aware of that any mention of “why this won’t work” between the two of you, said idly in a way that sounds like they want reassurance.This is actually a big glaring red flag— because they are actually warning you of what’s to come.Love has taken on a “this is scary” dimension because of the potential that the other shoe could drop at any second.They might not just be untrusting of lovers, it might bleed over to other parts of their life.Look for abrupt subject changes, diversionary tactics and stalling at the slightest mention of commitment.For example, in one major relationship of mine, I continually needed to “get more education” and stalled like crazy. If they’ve been hurt badly in the past and still reference it— watch out.Beware of anyone who wants you to change in some way before giving you what you need in the relationship.It’s a sign of selfishness and larger problems going forward.


  1. Sep 14, 2015. Here are the 10 brutal truths about dating a commitment phobe that you must recognize. Read on to know the truths at New Love Times.

  2. Jun 9, 2017. What to do when they're afraid to take a step towards you?

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