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10 commandments for dating my daughter doug giles

Do not under any circumstance hang all over my daughter, fondle my daughter or soul kiss my kid until you have a wedding ring on her finger, a joint checking account and MMA at Wachovia-or I will shove your Justin Timberlake backside off my 3rd floor balcony first chance I get, capisce? I've traveled the planet, planted churches and started businesses. Also, don't gush around me nor attempt to read me an entry from your journal. Do not even think about approaching me with liberal, hippy, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree humping bull crap.Look me in the eye, shake my hand like a man and turn off your cell phone. You, on the other hand, use Proactiv and drive a Ford Focus; therefore, you will call me "Mr. I'm not Oprah or one of your metrosexual buddies that you can share all of your inner fears and deepest needs with. I was raised by country-loving, God-fearing, hard-working, meat-eating, good ole' Texan parents, and I have zero tolerance for what your long-toothed, rather mannish lesbian sociology teacher at Columbia U programmed you with-you dig?He warns all "liberal, hippie, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree-humping bull crap," to stay away from his daughters and threatens violence on any suitor who "touches" his daughter.You may question the Christian virtues of a man who threatens to "smash your hands" if you touch his daughter, but his old fashioned zeal for preserving his daughters' modesty is not in question, and one may wonder why he seems so anxious about "protecting" his daughters, if they feel like their Daddy does about their Christian modesty.You must have something positive going on in that thing you call a life.

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Pastor Giles warns would-be suitors, "Don't even think about it," unless you are ready to obey his Ten Commandments.If you're a slacking, blame-shifting, visionless slug with genital warts who's waiting for someone to carry them into greatness and who lives by the dictates of his ding dong, then you need to find a girl who doesn't have a father like me.Do not touch my daughter, or I'll tear your hands off and you'll have to "whip the bishop" with a stub.Not only am I not cool with your being around me, I'm sure as heck not down with your touching my daughter.Therefore, when you're in my space (and in my absence) you'd better treat my daughters with the utmost respect.God, in His providence, has seen fit to bestow upon my wife and me two beautiful girls that we must steward into greatness.It has been a blast watching my daughters develop into righteous and rowdy, gorgeous girls.{"user Extra Data": , "initial Page Context": , "initial Page Info": , "locale": "en-US", "ga Account Numbers": [], "trace Logger Data": , "is Logged In": false, "_dv": , "_cf": ["tree", "resource Data Cache", "data", "children"], "resource Data Cache": [, {"data": , "resource": , "response": {"data": {"page_size": 20, "is_open": false, "is_yahoo_jp_open": false, "related_pins_feed": [, , , , , , , {"domain": "etsy.com", "tracking_params": "Cw ABAAAADDkx Nz A4Mz M2OTI1Mg A", "image_signature": "9672a7fda5d41c7a2e0faf8d95661123", "like_count": 0, "images": , "id": "118008452714778615", "description_html": "Hey, I found this really awesome Etsy listing at com/...", "title": "", "comment_count": 0, "board": , "type": "pin", "attribution": null, "description": "Hey, I found this really awesome Etsy listing at https://com/listing/233246025/rules-for-dating-my-daughter-wooden-sign", "shopping_flags": [], "rich_metadata": {"aggregated_app_link": , "site_name": "Etsy", "description": "Rules for Dating my Daughter wooden sign Hand crafted primitive rustic looking sign.Hand stenciled white font on solid black background.I don't care how Snoop Dog acts and what you've seen on MTV or in the movies. I want to look you in the eye when I communicate things regarding my girls and their lives. In addition, if and when I extend my hand, grab it like you mean it. You should know that I like cool and expensive gifts and you shall provide unto me this bounty, if you're smart. Yes, you'd be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh. I might, might, ask you to join me for a nice cigar session with me and the boys if thou comest bearing such offerings.If you come into my house mumbling, with your shades on and texting the entire time you're around me, you're probably going to be spending the next couple of days in ICU. Where I come from, a limp hand shake = limp life, Twinkle Toes. Here's some 411 to meditate upon before you address me. I used to be a drug user/dealer until God zapped me. For example; I like high quality cigars (nothing below a 90), Johnnie Walker Blue Label, Chimay Grand Reserve, books on hunting Africa and old British double rifles. Understand that if you're dumb enough to tell me a dirty joke, I'm comfortable enough with kicking your butt.

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