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And then, as soon as you feel comfortable, suggest meeting in person.10. Chivalry is dumb, by the way — so don’t sit there waiting for someone who seems great to ask you out. So just make a decision now to be self-accepting and chill about being on Tinder.

Because it’s no weirder than most other forms of meeting people.

While I’m still on my journey toward finding a spiritually fulfilling relationship, I’ve found there are certain ground rules for using Tinder that have really worked for me. Accepting that attraction is a weird, idiosyncratic, kind of mystical thing will help you make dating much easier on yourself.2. Despite the fact that I think Tinder has the potential to be a “gross hookup app,” it’s totally fine if you want to use it for casual hookups. By the same token, if you want something more serious, own that. OK, this one’s my favorite, because it’s a total game-changer in terms of setting your intentions and being authentic.

You are not some crazy, monogamy-obsessed loser if you sign up for Tinder because you want a relationship. It will make the whole process less confusing for everyone.3. I once had a dude message me, “You look like a lesbian.” Shocked by his homophobia and otherwise inappropriate greeting, I was tempted to berate him. Before deciding if someone is worth my time, I like to casually mention one of my core values or something I care about right at the get-go.

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Make jokes, and realize the importance of humor in dating. Chat with people long enough to get a vibe for them. This fall, I made the mistake of meeting up with someone after exchanging only a few, generic questions.

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Now I won’t meet someone in person unless I have a sense of what they spend a lot of their time doing and thinking about (aside from work) and what they’re looking for on Tinder, at least vaguely.7.

But don’t judge someone solely on their ability to text charmingly. I am a writer, and charmed by people who have a way with words. I hate the term “Facebook stalking” because it shouldn’t be pejorative: we all do it, so let’s own up. It’s a fine balance: get a sense of someone via text/Tinder before meeting, but don’t rely on your text dynamic for too long.


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